Wednesday, November 7

See you when I see you?

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"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

And now I've found that I couldn't become who I really am. Really? I don't have any courage, or even any desire to grow up. It's not that I'm too childish, but based on my sight, being an adult it's not that easy. Neither nice or...... err.. I am that childish.

Anyway, it's raining heavily outside.

I was catching up with my economics assignment. I left my desk on the third row, and moved to the first row. Feeling a little bit full because I just had a bowl of soto and a plate of rice (I eat soto at my school for almost everyday. My daily life at school wouldn't be that nice if I hadn't eat soto). I continue to work on my assignment, and the red light from my handphone blinked for a couple times. My heart stopped; my grandma died. I went home immediately, within ojek as my first&only option about how-to-get-home now. I could feel the warm air strokes my hair. The sun roast my skin, and the vehicles' fumes chased me. I lost my one and only grandma.

Unlike my sisters, I wasn't that close to her. I didn't spent my childhood at my hometown or feeling safe when she was around, but my sisters did. She's my grandma from my mother. My grandma from my dad died when I was a year old, so I only had 18 years to met such a great figure of grandmother. She left us at the age of 79. Me and my sister had met her for the last time, 5 days before she died. Me and my sister didn't have to regret for too much, unlike my cousins, because we had met our grandma and hear her weak and painful voice for the last time, couple days before she left. My mother was the busiest daughter, still, and always be the busiest one. She is the second and the last daughter, paid the most attention to my grandma during her tortured days. I can conclude that without my mom, maybe none of us know that my grandma had cancer that undermined her organs. My family didn't have to find out which stadium she was but doctor said that it spreads quickly, and it got worse every days. I learn a few things about my grandma before she died: she was very, very clever. She was forced to stop working on her business on April, 2012 right after she knew she had to face some diseases. She always tried to beatify her children or her grandchildren, though it wasn't that good as well for her.

I came to her graveyard, a day after she died. The frangipani flowers fell as I walked closer to my grandma's. I could saw my family shed a tear while we were hoping that God would grant our wishes and prayers. I passed the tomb of my grandpa&grandma from my dad's, only some steps from my grandma's tomb. My family said that I look exactly like my dad when I was a little girl. He look alike his parents, huh? So until now, I always curious what did they look like. I'll meet them, later. There, all of my curiosity will end.

Ps: I love taking pictures of the sky. It's addictive.

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